Why WWE's Kane Should Be President (and why The Rock should fuck off).
One rumor that keeps resurfacing every few months is the one that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is mulling over a run for political office. Hell, the concept of The Rock running for President is in fact the premise of his television series about his teen years, Young Rock. While on one hand, it’s seems about as credible as all those jokes about Scwarzenegger or Stallone becoming President during their heyday in the 1990s, we can’t really just laugh it off considering that about ten years ago if you had told someone Donald Trump would be President they’d probably have laughed that off too.
In other words, President Johnson (which sounds like more like a dick joke than a rock joke) is a very possible thing indeed. Personally? As much as many wrestling fans might cheer for it, I don’t want to see it – ever. Quite frankly during the 2020 administration, Dwayne Johnson revealed himself to be just another virtue-signaling woke celebrity when he threw his lot in with Biden-Harris, despite everything they believe in being completely antithetical to the things that made Dwayne Johnson a household name. This is the same guy that made pie (pussy) jokes, talked about shoving things up his opponents’ asses, made plenty of jokes insulting their sexuality and insinuating their gay (as well as repeatedly referring to WWE commentator Kevin Kelly as an “ugly hermaphrodite”), and a whole lot more.
Entertaining? You bet your ass. But it’s also the same things the cancel culture crowd condemns – and so it makes little to no sense for the Rock to stand with the party of censorship or of cancel culture unless of course he’s a complete piece of shit in real life that doesn’t want to pave the way, but rather blow a hole in the road and makes sure no one else can stake their success on being even half as raunchy, raw, or offensive. Not to be outdone, John Cena has also shown himself to be a shill with really wack-ass apologies to the Chinese Communist Party for the crime of “calling Taiwan a country.” It used to be we thought steroids shrunk the balls of professional wrestlers. Turns out it’s wokeness. But we will rag on John Cena another time, and another day.
Back to President Rock – the truth of the matter is people are sheep and would blindly vote for him completely unaware that his policy would mimic that of the most disliked and impotent President and Vice President of our lifetime, Biden/Harris. This is also why the cancel-culture crowd conveniently forgot the library of offensive shit the Rock has done during his career – he’s a useful trojan horse for their bullshit as long as he toes the establishment line.
While Rock pretty much cemented that he likes the D (for Democrat) more than he likes pie these days, one wrestler who does stand out for his politics, and one I’d actually vote for higher office has to be the most unexpected choice ever, actually.
Through hellfire and brimstone, it’s KANE! BUHGAWD, KING! THE BIG RED MACHINE! THE DEVIL’S FAVORITE DEMON!
If you had told me during the WWF’s attitude era that Kane was going to end up being one of the most politically sensible people of 2021 I’d have been like “what kind of crack are you smoking?” Kane, unlike the Rock, didn’t make his career off big long promos – hell, they made him speak with a voice box for most of the first-half of his career due to kayfabe (fictional) lung damage caused by the Undertaker setting Kane on fire as a child – he made his career off red lights, and explosive pyro, unsettling organ music for an entrance theme, setting OTHER PEOPLE on fire, electrocuting the nutsac of Shane McMahon, being implied to be a necrophiliac, and blackmailing WWE’s Lita to become pregnant by his demonic seed and hold an unholy wedding. Once Kane was allowed to talk, by the way, he was pretty amazing at selling this character on the microphone and is arguably one of the all-time great big men, on par with his brother (fictional) The Undertaker. Kane also DID appear in two horror films.
But it wasn’t Hollywood Kane had his sights set on, it was a different arena – the political kind. Kane (real name Glenn Jacobs) turned out to be a very bright mind outside the wrestling ring, and I remember him doing a few political videos where he spoke common sense. As a conservative and a constitutionalist, it seemed to me like Kane understood personal rights and freedoms. Eventually the Big Red Machine became the Big Red Mayor of Knox County Tennessee in 2018.
Recently Mayor Jacobs has made news because of the attacks Joe Biden has launched on personal American freedoms as a result of COVID-19 and boldly and flatly stated that Knox County would not be following Joe Biden’s mandates – he’s done a few radio/podcast appearances and wrote a very strongly worded letter to the Biden administration saying, “we will not comply.” And frankly in an age where most people are afraid to speak out, especially those in the public eye (as Kane, Glenn Jacobs is still VERY MUCH in the public eye and still continues to on occasion appear on WWE television as his demonic alter-ego), we need to see more people of “celebrity status” willing to go against “the narrative” that most of them have gobbled up and prostituted out to the rest of us… …much like Dwayne Johnson has.
It’s for that reason, that while there is no doubt in my mind that Glenn Jacobs makes a great mayor, I’d definitely enjoy seeing him run for higher office because we need more people in the fight that get it – and Jacobs seems to. Moreover, I do think in some way working in the wrestling business, Jacobs understands public speaking and how to “work the crowd,” which means that he knows not to be all bluster and to choose his words very carefully, something some may even argue our former President, Donald Trump, was not exactly well suited to. Jacobs seems to know how to word things to be sensible and reach people without being too inflammatory about it.
Even if Jacobs didn’t run for the highest office in the land, I would still like to see him run for congress or as a governor, because I think that despite his wrestling career winding down, Jacobs has a bright political future, yet, beyond Knox County.
That being said there’s still a side of me that wants to see him electrocute Joe Biden’s ballsac, or set the man on fire, or chokeslam him off a steel cage, but that’s just the sadistic wrestling fan in me. That being said, I believe we can do that with the create-a-wrestler feature in some of the WWE 2K games that feature Kane. And if there happens to be a year Dwayne Johnson does finally run, I want to see a Kane vs. Rock rematch on the debate stage… as long as there’s red lights and pyro and maybe a run in by the Undertaker.
A man can dream.