• Jase Rival

Aunt Jemima Becomes the "Pearl Milling Company," and just like that I am not hungry anymore.

What’s in a name? Everything. I was watching The Founder with my girlfriend a few weeks ago (yes, the movie about the founding of McDonalds) and towards the end of the movie, the McDonalds brothers ask Ray A. Kroc (played by Michael Keaton) why he didn’t just steal all their ideas – why did he have to partner with them and stab them in the back to steal their company instead.

“It's not just the system, Dick. It's the name. That glorious name, McDonald's. It could be, anything you want it to be... it's limitless, it's wide open... it sounds, uh... it sounds like... it sounds like America. That's compared to Kroc. What a crock. What a load of crock. Would you eat at a place named Kroc's? Kroc's has that blunt, Slavic sound. Kroc's. But McDonald's, oh boy. That's a beauty. A guy named McDonald? He's never gonna get pushed around in life.”

PepsiCo should have watched The Founder – maybe they’re still mad Coca-Cola is served at McDonalds instead – but the point is that a name is more than a name. It’s an idea. It’s a thought. It’s a picture. Anyone who works in advertising knows this. Watch any episode of Mad Men and watch the way Don Draper pitches ads and campaigns to the clients of Sterling-Cooper and maybe you’ll understand. I’ve spent my entire professional, offline life in marketing and advertising, and I could have easily told you the name “Aunt Jemima” means something.

But the Woke Cult didn’t like that and somehow convinced the morons at Pepsi that Aunt Jemima was “too racist” to keep using. I get that original the character on the box was a “mammy” racist caricature but the fact that it evolved and changed into a respectable African American woman, was enough of a course correction.

But to the wokecult, a bunch of crying, sniveling babies on Twitter, glorified keyboard warriors who have never been in a fist-fight in their lives (I’ve been in 35 and arguably only got my ass kicked in 3 of those fights; it builds character when you defend yourself, and it is a humbling experience when you fail to do so that every human should have to experience to understand life), somehow Aunt Jemima was too triggering to be left alone. Following the “once every four years” black outrage event designed to convince people to vote for Democrats that was “George Floyd,” virtue-signalers went out of control trying to erase “controversial” (there was no controversy) food brands. Thus Aunt Jemima was removed from the box. Bad form, considering that erasing black imagery from the packaging seems far, far more racist than leaving it.

Aunt Jemima was a cultural icon. It doesn’t matter what it began as, it matters where it was right now (or rather at the point in life where it was before removed). Erasing it doesn’t serve the black community. Every African American I know finds it annoying, stupid, and rather insignificant. You didn’t “defeat racism” by doing that and it is condescending to do so. Therein lies the problem with these big corporations doing these grand gestures to court minorities. They never ask us what we think about it before they do it. Did anyone ask Native Americans how they REALLY felt about Land-o-Lakes or the Washington Redskins, or did they only talk to one or two people that shared their political ideals? Nobody asked me how I felt about the phrase “Latinx” before it started being used and every Hispanic person I know has nothing but contempt for the “gender neutral” label. It’s not honoring anyone, it’s figuratively spitting on our culture – and I am almost entirely sure that the majority of people who felt “Aunt Jemima” is racist don’t actually have any black friends, turn down a different road when their GPS tells them to go down “Martin Luther King Drive,” and think that they’re somehow an “ally” and “defender” of black people solely because they bought a ticket to Hamilton once, and the race-swapping was “really brave.”

Cue the “Pearl Milling Company.” For some reason in 2021, PepsiCo decided simply removing the photo of Aunt Jemima wasn’t enough; the name had to be deleted and erased. You could have kept Aunt Jemima, you could have even shortened it to “AJ” the way Dairy Queen is now “DQ;” there were other ways to handle this but nope.

Pearl. Milling. Company. Their argument is that the Pearl Milling Company was founded in 1888 in St. Joseph, MO, and was where the self-rising pancake originated. They claim they asked customers, employees, and external “cultural experts” for advice. What they didn’t ask was normal human beings who don’t spend all their time consuming WOKE media. And that is why they now have what I can only call “a stupid fucking name.” For starters, the name is long. By the time you’ve seen the word “Company,” your mind has already tuned out. It sounds boring and uncharismatic. “Aunt Jemima” sounds wholesome, it sounds like breakfast. People identify it and identify with it.

Pearl Milling Company sounds way more racist than “Aunt Jemima;” it sounds like the place you ship slaves who were insolent to break rocks in the mines all day, breaking big rocks into smaller rocks until they die of exhaustion.

Pearl Milling Company sounds like a hedge fund that /r/wallstreetbets is trying to put out of business.

Pearl Milling Company sounds like a faction of evil Goblins from World of Warcraft that are cutting down trees that don’t belong to them in one of the forest zones and a quest giver asks you to kill 12 of them and bring back their heads as proof you did it.

Nothing about the Pearl Milling Company sounds appealing to me from the perspective of food items. It doesn’t make me think about pancakes. It makes me think about concrete and granite. It might be a more suitable name for a hardware company than for a company that makes pancakes. It’s tone-deaf and unaware and speaks volumes about the end game of virtue signaling retards.

That being said, PepsiCo deserves to lose ALL THE MONEYS for this insult. They deserve to not get a dime and I hope that people talk with their dollar and show them that we aren’t buying what they are selling, and the virtue signal is not appreciated and shall not be tolerated. We need to show them that “Get woke go broke” isn’t just a catchy thing to say. It’s the way of the world. So I urge all the people reading not to buy this crap.

I’d say to go buy Mrs. Butterworth instead, but they canceled her too and now she doesn’t even HAVE A FACE. Maybe I just will stop eating pancakes all together and stop being a fat-ass. I am simply not hungry anymore.